When is enough enough? When are you old enough to keep scores at athletic games and learn there’s a winner and a loser? When is it time to tell someone that your “skills” are really subpar? I have been contemplating this and thought of making a chart and labeling it “The Dangerous Bellcurve, When Coddling Becomes Harmful”. I am starting to realize that the coddling might even lead to reality TV embarrassment. Here we go…

Growing up I was always a good listener, focused, serious, and regimented in my dance classes. I got most my training in ballet, and as everyone knows, ballet is an extremely strict environment, with no room for coddling beginning at age 5? 6? I don’t know, but whatever it was, I was never babied. I remember finding it torturous at age 9. I was in class with kids my sister’s age (13), and I deserved to be in that class. I knew it was because I tried hard, persevered, and wanted to be the best. Even though I was younger,  my teachers never cut me any slack and made my life 10x harder to prove to the other girls that I deserved to be there. That made me 10x stronger and more likely to succeed in future auditions and the like. Maybe it wasn’t the nicest thing that’s happened to me, and I was often distraught, but did I benefit in the end from being pushed rather than coddled and told that I was wonderful? I had a lot of work to do and still do, so yes, definitely.

I’ve discovered delusions from coddling are long-lasting. After my regimented childhood in ballet, surrounded by people at my level and higher, I figured everyone that thought they were
“good” really were by college. During rush, I met many “Dancers”. What is a dancer? Is a dancer someone who enjoys dancing, is forced to for musical theater, can strut around pretending they know what’s going on? Are there really THAT many dancers in the Greek world that I just never considered? I was completely perplexed at the amount of dancers I ran across, and I started to become curious. I spent my freshman year sidelined by a torn meniscus, but returned to dance auditions for the college company my sophomore year. I was nervous but had spent my summer getting back in shape for this moment.

Well, that was an interesting experience. The auditions were something out of So You Think You Can Dance…. like the bad ones. I am not saying that everyone there was awful, far from it, but there were a handful of people who were  pretty embarrassingly dreadful. Then I realized something. Someone somewhere told them they were good at dancing and had been lying to them! They had been coddled for their entire lives to think that they’re something and lived in a bubble of delusions… well, until they got cut and crushed from this audition.

So now, I understand why people on reality shows go on there- they think they’re good because people lie to them and tell them they are! They don’t keep score at games because “Everyone Wins”, but one day the kid tries out for a team and is crushed and it’s the end of the world because people have been lying to him for years! It’s not doing anyone justice to lie about someone’s abilities, because one day they’ll be crushed, and think of it as letting them down easy or doing a favor to say hey, you’re not that perfect so that they’re not embarrassing themselves on national TV someday. Not everyone is good at everything and everyone is not a winner. A bit cynical, but sometimes honesty is just better in the long-run.

Ingredients: Package of pasta, real butter, and Mizithra cheese (we found it at Von’s but not Whole Foods or Trader Joe’s)

1. Put butter in frying pan and brown.

2. Boil water, cook spaghetti

3. Coat spaghetti with browned butter then add the cheese.

It is very easy to recreate the Old Spaghetti Factory’s popular dish so long as you can find the cheese. I recommend calling grocery stores rather than traipsing across town.

Is Perez Hilton becoming distant from his gossip readers? I used to go to him to read him trash on celebrities, rip them to shreds, and embarrass them. This probably makes me a bad person, but it’s vaguely interesting to follow the lives of the famous. Recently, his blog posts come hours after E!Online’s… on the same topic. Or he questions something that’s already been stated in one (i.e. Robsten- real or fake or fighting and Kristen is a bitch because she knits [ed note: I happen to like her and knit too; certainly she's awkward and uncomfortable with press, but I would be too!]). So where does he gets his tips- reading TMZ or E!? Just curious since they conveniently seem to come later on. In addition to his blog not being fresh, it seems like his stories are harsh because he does not comprehend or know of the matter. If one is to judge Jane Lynch and Kristen Bell returning to the show Party Down, perhaps watch an episode or clip or read its IMDB before making snap judgments. Perez thinks it’s stupid of them to return to a show no one’s heard of, and can’t imagine why Megan Mullaly would ever consider joining the cast. He states that Ms. Mullaly is “also is too big of a name for a show that no one has heard of.” Maybe you haven’t heard of it and should rent the season. The writer/ creators are the same as the ones from Veronica Mars + Paul Rudd. This is not some unheard of  show- it is hilarious and does not have an obscure cast, writers, or producers. So if Megan Mulally wants to join the cast since she realizes how clever it is, let her be! So everyone, shut up and watch the show, if you have any sense of humor at all you’ll love this comedy about a catering company full of Hollywood hopefuls and has-beens. The comedic timing is perfect, the writing is witty, and the plot line is nothing short of hilarious. Think Michael Scott, a rehabbed Hollywood druggie, attempts catering and bring on the laughs. Oh, and in case you’ve been reading all the tabloids and are unsure, Robsten is actually a couple, and are probably pretty sick of all the crap online and in mags. They’re pretty adorable together, right?

Don’t worry, Perez, I’m still reading, but I’m certainly disappointed!

Dear Richard Heene,

I don’t like you very much. I used to like you back when you performed some dece acting in Casper (I mean, check out that haircut you decided to keep!! Sexy).  However, there are some things I find hard to tolerate, such as your recent behavior. You’re approaching Jon Gosselin-type fury, except he’s Asian and his wife isn’t, you’re opposites! Well, add some ear piercings and Ed Hardy and you guys can be BFFs and blame your wives for selling you down the river… oh wait. Just kidding, you did it to yourselves! HAH. Publicity ain’t always what it seems now that you’re conveniently “Tired” from interviews after forcing your ill son to appear all over national TV. Good parenting, definitely. Really though, I feel sorry for all your children. Being a parent is supposed to include sacrifice and decrease the amount of selfishness in a human being, possibly causing you see the “big picture” about life and the future and all that fun stuff rather than causing a giant hoax involving the frickin’ National Guard and police forces- I’m pretty sure they all have better things to do. We all just wish your acting skills could return to good use like children’s movies rather than garnering press for using your children/ lying to the world. I will also liken you to a Disney villain, perhaps Scar, and I hope that our justice system brings what you deserve most, some hefty charges and hopefully a day or more in prison to perform some skits and return to your acting roots. Or maybe you can land that prized reality show dream of yours with your favorite aliens! I see a future of you, Michale Lohan, and Jon Gosselin on TV together in a documentary: “I Love the Press but Not My Children”. Sounds good, eh? Keep it classy using your adorable children for evil! Your spectacular story kept me intrigued for every second of your lying shtick. Bring Falcon home.

Xoxo,

WJ

I think sometimes people forget about Facebook and how many people see what you’re writing.

Do you realize that what you write down in print that seems so “funny” to yourself is actually annoying, rude, cruel, or ignorant to those who are forced to see it pop up on their newsfeed while bored at work? Some of us do not really enjoy hearing about who you hate or that you think jokes about 9/11 are tasteful.

Cyber bullying occurs over Facebook too- and guess what, people can see that too! Unless you’ve set multiple kinds of privacy settings, consider everything you write to be public knowledge. If you express your angst about a person on the ‘book, chances are pretty good they will find out. Let’s be honest with ourselves— if you’ve put it up there, you want people to read it. If not, get your act together- offensive things are not taken lightly in Facebookland.

Guess what– you can get reported for writing this stuff!

If you are being bullied or you feel someone is doing something very, very wrong- please report them. People do not deserve to be threatened or bullied in cyberspace or the real world. The real world is bad enough! In researching this post, I found out what they do and do not put up with- while some are obvious, they really are attempting to remove the atrocities that can occur online. Cyber bullying, threats, hate speech, pornography and nudity, unwanted contact– all are grounds for Facebook expulsion. So hey, you over there who thinks your tasteless joke making fun of  [insert depressing, awful thing in history] is a riot, you’re wrong! Oh, and please don’t turn around and get offended that your offensive [insert depressing, awful thing in history] reference was taken in the wrong context. It will never be acceptable, no matter the context. Everyone will get offended, show their coworkers, be mortified that they know you, etc… truly a bad chain of events.

I love Web 2.0, and I hate to see it being abused. Please attempt to keep your cruel thoughts to yourself.

Love always,

WJ

1. Oktoberfest at Alpine Village

Bring out the lederhosen, the chicken dance, bier steins, and liters (??) of beer. If you want to experience puke on the ground, people passed out at the long tables, porta potties, and complete chaos, this is the place. That said, it was insanely fun! I highly recommend getting a big group and taking a CAB there. The live band was exciting, the beers are huge, and people wear all sorts of silly things and get really into it!

2. Bon Iver

The music of Bon Iver is notoriously melancholy, slow, and haunting. I have listened to the Blood Bank EP and For Emma, Forever Ago countless times (top 25 most played on my computer of course), and I bought tickets presale to see them at the Wiltern. I went in with no expectations minus some coffee to make sure his music didn’t lullaby me to sleep. They kept the audience enthralled and played most  of their repertoire (he kept saying I promise next time we’ll have more songs, haha). Also, Justin Vernon was incredibly humble and continually thanked the audience for their support. I guess if I spent 3 months recording songs in a secluded Wisconsin cabin, I wouldn’t anticipate the fame and hype he has experienced either. Bon Iver was fantastic live, and probably one of the top 3 shows I’ve been to (in no particular order, the other two were Radiohead and Death Cab For Cutie). I can’t wait until they come back to L.A. or put out another album.

Ingredients:
1 lb ground turkey
Taco seasoning packet
1 package of Crescent Rolls baking sheets
2% Mexican shredded cheese
Crushed tortilla chips
Black or pinto beans

1. Bake Crescent rolls at 350 for 6 minutes in 9×13 dish while browning the turkey. After browning turkey, add taco packet to it.
2. Layer turkey, beans, cheese, then crushed chips on top of the crescent roll and bake for 5 minutes or until cheese has melted. Be careful not to burn the chips.

Growing your own basil can be a simple way to avoid paying $5/bushel at the grocery store. Basil is an easy plant to take care of and is cheaper to buy as a plant. As I’ve mentioned before, there are certain foods I like but sneakily have nuts in them at restaurants. Pesto is a tricky one because while most the time it’s pine nuts, there have been walnuts and brazil nuts in other kinds. Be careful!

Ingredients:
1/2 c olive oil
2 c fresh basil
1/2 c Parmesan or Romano cheese
4 garlic cloves
Salt and pepper

When it comes to pesto, this is about one meal’s worth. Making more at once might be useful because pesto freezes easily and it can be a pain to clean your food processor.

Combine all ingredients in a food processor and process until smooth.
Taste test to make sure the ingredients are the way you like them- some people like more cheese, some people like more garlic, some people like more basil, etc. Pretty simple to make, and if you want to freeze it, you might use an ice cube tray to make it in meal-appropriate portions. After freezing it in the tray overnight, cubes can be put into a Ziploc in the freezer. Olive oil takes longer to freeze than water, make sure cubes are completely frozen before moving them into a Ziploc.

Allergic to nuts but really like pad thai and afraid to order it anywhere? ME TOO!

Ingredients:
Olive oil
Package of rice noodles
Fish sauce
Ketchup
Tamarind juice
Brown sugar
Crushed red pepper
Basil or cilantro
2-3 eggs
Chopped veggies of choice
1 lb of bean sprouts
1 package of extra firm tofu
Minced garlic
Salt and pepper

No measurements in this recipe are exact, which makes it somewhat hard to explain.

1. Blanche bean sprouts. Bring water to a boil, put bean sprouts in, cook for 30 seconds. Drain and dry bean sprouts.
2. Sautee chopped veggies, chopped tofu, and minced garlic in olive oil, a little salt and pepper too, to your liking. Any type of veggies you like can be used for this dish.
3. Boil rice noodles for 6-8 minutes, and taste to make sure it’s all cooked. Drain and rinse.
4. Make sauce. Combine brown sugar, ketchup, fish sauce, red pepper, and tamarind juice to taste. If you do not find tamarind juice, don’t worry about it. Fish sauce is very salty so use a light hand. Make as much as you think you need to cover your other ingredients. The more veggies and tofu etc, the more sauce you will need.
4. In pan, douse olive oil and crack and scramble eggs. Then add bean sprouts, noodles, veggies, tofu, basil, and sauce. Cook until all ingredients are covered by the sauce. Then serve! This is another dish that reheats well, and as you can see, nuts are completely unnecessary to complete the meal.

So, I’ve taken it upon myself to cook one REAL meal a week. This does not mean boil water and throwing in pasta. Or making eggs. Or grilled cheese. One real meal!

Last week, I did eggplant parm. I try to make it a little healthier by downgrading the cheese requirements and by baking the eggplant.

Ingredients:
2 eggplants
Salt/pepper to taste
1 bag of shredded part-skim mozzarella
Parmesan cheese (the real stuff- not kraft imitation parm!)
2 containers of spaghetti sauce, or make your own, whichever
4 c of breadcrumbs with Italian seasoning- if you have plain, add garlic powder, dried oregano, dried basil, and a touch of salt
4 large eggs
Parchment paper
Some basil

1. Slice eggplant very thinly, heat oven to 350. Dip each slice into egg then breadcrumbs, and put on parchment paper on a cookie sheet. Bake 8-9 minutes, then flip over and cook other side. Eggplant must be well-cooked to be edible and not chewy, so this part is really important. I like to leave mine it for about 9 min each side to make it a little crispy even. Frying is an option for eggplant, but baking tastes the same and is far healthier! Repeat until all the eggplant has been cooked and cooled.
2. Place a layer of spaghetti sauce in the bottom of your baking dish. I use the biggest pirex container I have and usually a small one too. Place a slice of cooked eggplant, then a douse with parmesan, sprinkle some mozzarella, and dab a bit of sauce on top followed by another piece of eggplant. Layer until it reaches the top of the dish, and then begin your next one. On the top of all the eggplant, sprinkle both cheeses and basil (if you have fresh basil- even better). If you like a lot of sauce, you can cover it all in sauce too, though it isn’t a requirement.
3. Bake eggplant on 350 for 35 minutes or until cheese is bubbling. Let cool for a bit then serve with pasta on the side. I like whole wheat spaghetti personally.

Healthier eggplant parmesan- Freezes well and stores well in the fridge, just microwave later on!